Buttons Dior Meets Organised Chaos.

My need for a creative outlet, ruled by no one other then me and my small amount of self learnt skills was born through, Buttons Dior. As mentioned before, ive had a few other business / hobby ventures with friends now ex friends, which after heading down hill felt stale and dead. Ive never been one who likes to feel pushed, or directed. I like to fight my own battle, i like to find my own way. And for the first time, in my whole life. I have a hobby that allows me to do that. I make what i want, when i want, for those who like my simple creations, and for people who are less fortunate then others.

Buttons didn't start out as a money maker, or for attention seeking , it was there to release the craft side of me that i still, need a fix for. I never wanted to be one of those work at home parents who has the best of everything. Who paints a picture of the perfect life. I just wanted to "make things" and meet other people. I dont make bulk lots of stock, i cant reproduce stock over night. Ive got a family, a house and people who need me. So i make what i can, and sell it (Or simply give it) to people who want it!

Organised Chaos started when i added a note to my personal facebook page of a diary entry. My diary entry was typed out on my iphone at 3am and i thought 'I wonder if anyone has advice on this..'

Low and behold, 55+ comments later, everyone had an opinion. It really helped me through a rough spot and so i blogged.

I'm not ashamed of who i am, im not scared to tell it how it is. I crave advice from others. It gets my through knowing 'Im not the only one'.

I suffer, yes..suffer, From depression. Im not ashamed of it. I just purely hate it. And when im at my lowest, i blog. Sometimes it get published, sometimes it just sits in my drafts waiting. Waiting for the right time, or no time.

I have anxiety, For years Ive blamed this on others. The way they make me feel, the situation they put me in, The torment they have put me through. The things they have done to me. But ive learnt not to lay blame. Its ME who has let myself feel this way. I can not control what they do, there actions, but i can control how i deal with it. And im still learning.

I have an eating disorder. Im not anorexic or bulimic, your 'typical' eating disorders , but i do have issues with food. I under eat. Im scared of food, But i eat the wrong foods for the wrong reasons.

And the last one i will keep for a later date. This one im currently dealing with , through the help of an understanding, compassionate and caring fiancée (soon to be hubster in 12 days!) and close family and a select few friends. But, i know, when ive over come this, or at least dealt with those demons, my experience is going to benefit others running my journey.

So, Button Dior-ers! Welcome to the Button you didnt know. This is my life. This is the path ive been chosen to take, i know there is a reason behind it, im just yet to find out.

x N

Torn.

Torn, and i don't know what to do!

(35 minutes after i wrote that... I'm now 99% sure, i think i know what i want to do)

Ive finally found my mojo! My love for sewing crafty goods. But Ive lost my drive for competing in the WAHMother of the year award feud.

About 2 years ago when i started out with a certain little business, there were next to no Work at home mums / parents on facebook. I had not one single fan page on my profile of another person selling or making things from home. Now, there are thousands!

I want to set my self apart from them. I hate the way they fight, i love when i see someone succeed only to hate it when another scoops up the idea and runs with it. Im out spoken. I cant hide behind this 'Happy little business' venture. I sew what i sew because it beats my depression. I create to take me to my happy place and i blog because its my release.

So im thinking of combining the 2. Blogging for the love of venting and connecting with others like me. And offering my handmade goods to those who are interested.

Ive not once come across a parent who combines there LIFE, there actual every day, with there business. I would love to spend just one day in the shoes of creative minds i look up to.

Are they really as happy and successful as there 'Fan' page says?

It funny when i come across fan pages that are chirpy, up beat and impressive. Yet to see a personal page status update no more then a minute later about how miserable there life is. I cant for a second longer pretend to be a facebook work at home parent business woman. Its just not me. The reason i dont update my status on my page that often is i would cringe at writing how blissful my day is, yet im sitting in my Pj's with a scorching headache from 3 kids tormenting me for fun! LOL

So, here is where im torn. My blog is open. I can guarentee there are a ton of people on here who possibly judge or laugh. But i know there are people who find relief and comfort in knowing , They arent the only one.

So, do i stop this whole business venture idea on facebook and simply invite others to share in my life, ups, downs and sideways. And give them the opportunity to have something ive created through here. Or do i keep pushing what i hate! And run a 'business' through a website.. My heart is telling me to stop.

Yet, still i don't know why i feel the need for approval! For someone to turn around and say 'Nope, terrible idea!' Or ' Go for it.. i think that's a great idea'.

I guess that's where my insecurities step in.

How does one take a stance and say "This is how its going to be!" ??? Is it possible?

Meh... Im so torn!