Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Delilah Love.

Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Today was different to every other day. Very different. From the moment i set out to start what i thought would be a straight forward day, i had 'reason' people surround me.

To me, Reason people are those who are, obviously, there for a reason.
Today, my 9 week old baby boy Phoenix was tested for Cystic Fibrosis. Not fair on such a small child, but if higher powers thought i couldn't handle it, then i wouldn't have been blessed with my little guy.
Phoenix spent the first 9 days of his crazy life not swaddled by Mum and Dad, tucked under our wings keeping him warm and safe from harm. But connected to drips, monitors and basking in the glow of photo therapy in a humidi-crib. Not something you would see everyday..
A chubby full-of-rolls 10+lbs buddha, casting shadows over tiny babies in the special care nursery.
Phoenix's diagnosis was extreme low sugar levels, a heart murmur and severe jaundice.
He was in the best place possible, being looked after people who could do more then his worried daddy or i could do for him.
Since then Buddha, the name that hasn't budged, just cant seem to rid the jaundice. At his 8 week paediatrician check up his skin still showed the affects of the bilirubin. A touch concerning seen as though by around 4-5 weeks the liver should be mature enough to allow the body to become bile free.
The testing begins.
I remember the small thumb nail size vials of blood the would take from pricking his heals to check the bilirubin levels in SCN, now they are taking 10-15mls at a time.
Tests come back a little disheartening. His jaundices levels arent good. We are referred to the Gastro enterologist who sends us to have a 'Sweat test' done before we see him for a liver biopsy.
Today, we had that test done. The morning started a bit hectic. I powered through on little but enough sleep. Did the school drop then killed some time by Op Shopping. My favorite. Not something i would usually do with Kid in tow, but Phoenix is no trouble. We stopped at my mums fav store and i got talking a lovely lady. She showed me where the goodies were that i was looking for, and soothed a crying hungry Phoenix while i had a good rummage. She explained she had lost quite a few babies, but was blessed with a daughter. I could see how much love she had by the way she looked at my son.
I bought my goods, and headed off. As i popped Phoenix back in his car seat , Delilah caught my eye. Now those of you who know me, know Delilah is my master piece. Ive loved her since i cut her pattern out of my Mums well loved T-shirt. And for weeks shes been sitting on my craft shelf waiting to 'The right time' to go.
She was bound for the children's ward at John Flynn hospital, where Buddha was having his tests done. But someone had other plans.
I needed a pen and paper. I drove to the next Op Shop and spotted a card.
"The lord bless you, and keep you"
Inside i explained that I'm a part of a group that drop toys to random locations hoping to put a smile on peoples faces and spread random acts of kindness. Today Delilah was headed to the hospital where the baby she had just showed so much love to was having tests run. I explained we may never cross each other again, but in memory of her angel babies i would love for her to re home my doll.
I drove back to the first shop where i met her, Handed over the bag and walked away.
We were now bound for the hospital. I was about 45 minutes early so i headed up to see a few friends at the gastric banding clinic. They hadn't met baby #3 yet and were over the moon to finally meet him.
Carol, One of the receptionists who Ive know for years now asked if she could pray over him. I didn't mind at all. Mum and i sat there watching Buddha sleeping peacefully while Carol quietly prayed with her hand on his head.
Nor mum or i are religious people, but we can both honestly say right now that we felt what carol was doing. As she finished we saw phoenix 'jump' .. it took us by surprise and we looked at each other with big wide eyes! Haha.. Something happened.
I sit here now, with my 3 beautiful children wondering why today happened. Why i came to be around such 'reason' people. I guess only time will tell, and ill sit here now, whispering my own little prayer that our son will be fine. And if forbid hes not, then ive got the strength to get through this.
Kiss and cuddle your little babies. Whether they are 2 or 20. Human or furry.. Love with everything you have. And be kind those you don't even know.



  1. Nic,
    What an amazing day you have had......

  2. aww that's beautiful Nic xxxx

  3. my eyes are filled with tears that was beautiful Nic

  4. Beautiful post hun. ♥♥ Love you all!
    Remember if you need anything just call! Even if it's 2am and you just need someone to listen whilst you cry. xoxox

  5. Nic, what an amazing day.
    My thoughts & prayers are with Phoenix & your family.
    I know Delilah has found a lovely new home xxx

  6. I am praying for you all from America. Nancy