Master 5 had his End of year / Christmas concert at school.
Emotions were in overdrive watching the moments you have missed while they are at school learning to be the best person they can possibly be with the help of amazing caring teachers.
At first i felt Proud, Excited and Amazed at what this clingy, whingey, sooky, refluxy , colicy, non sleeping baby boy had become.
A little man.
A little man, Who could sing, dance, remember lines and stand up tall with his class mates and best friends. Who has incredible manners and enough love for an army of people.
Then i became a little disappointed that i hadn't played a part in helping him at school. So Ive made a promise to myself. Next year i want to be more involved. Weather it be with reading, tuckshop or excursions. I want to be there. Helping him help himself.
I started to remember the nights i would lay there with a pillow over my head wishing i was someone else, some where else with no child, no responsibilities and forever sleep! Wishing i could run away and and live my life differently.
How i let him cry and scream while i sat in the rain , 3am , crying myself.
Wondering how i became a single mother in a blink of an eye. But remembering the days we were a duo. Just me and him.
I started smiling about the times we spent as a family of 3, Just Me, Him and Master 26, the road trips, the movies, the snuggles, the diggers and introducing him to new family and a new lifestyle.
Loving the moment i told him he was going to be a big brother, The look on his face when he knew he was going to have a brother or sister of his own.. And the look on his face when he met them.
Watching him walk in to the class room on his first day of school, Seeing his nerves, yet reassuring him i was never far. I would be there every morning and every afternoon, promising to ask how hes day was and to tell me something "new".
A promise Ive never broken.
Now today, Watching this independent, smart, gorgeous, loving , kind hearted boy standing in front of friends and family showing us how far he had come, with a smile that no one could take away, while i cried rivers of happy tears.
He is my son. The baby i birthed. The person i raised. The soul i carried and the child i will give my everything to for the rest of ours lives.
I will love him unconditionally. I'm the person i want him to turn to in every single time of need, because i understand him.
He makes every feeling, worry , heart ache and fear ok.