Sunday, December 5, 2010

Emotion Overload!

Today i had one of the most emotional mornings in a long time.

Master 5 had his End of year / Christmas concert at school.

Emotions were in overdrive watching the moments you have missed while they are at school learning to be the best person they can possibly be with the help of amazing caring teachers.

At first i felt Proud, Excited and Amazed at what this clingy, whingey, sooky, refluxy , colicy, non sleeping baby boy had become.
A little man.
A little man, Who could sing, dance, remember lines and stand up tall with his class mates and best friends. Who has incredible manners and enough love for an army of people.

Then i became a little disappointed that i hadn't played a part in helping him at school. So Ive made a promise to myself. Next year i want to be more involved. Weather it be with reading, tuckshop or excursions. I want to be there. Helping him help himself.

I started to remember the nights i would lay there with a pillow over my head wishing i was someone else, some where else with no child, no responsibilities and forever sleep! Wishing i could run away and and live my life differently.
How i let him cry and scream while i sat in the rain , 3am , crying myself.
Wondering how i became a single mother in a blink of an eye. But remembering the days we were a duo. Just me and him.

I started smiling about the times we spent as a family of 3, Just Me, Him and Master 26, the road trips, the movies, the snuggles, the diggers and introducing him to new family and a new lifestyle.

Loving the moment i told him he was going to be a big brother, The look on his face when he knew he was going to have a brother or sister of his own.. And the look on his face when he met them.

Watching him walk in to the class room on his first day of school, Seeing his nerves, yet reassuring him i was never far. I would be there every morning and every afternoon, promising to ask how hes day was and to tell me something "new".

A promise Ive never broken.

Now today, Watching this independent, smart, gorgeous, loving , kind hearted boy standing in front of friends and family showing us how far he had come, with a smile that no one could take away, while i cried rivers of happy tears.

He is my son. The baby i birthed. The person i raised. The soul i carried and the child i will give my everything to for the rest of ours lives.

I will love him unconditionally. I'm the person i want him to turn to in every single time of need, because i understand him.

He makes every feeling, worry , heart ache and fear ok.



  1. You should be so proud of the wonderful job you have done in raising such an amazing little boy. He has a such a brilliant personality and a heart so big it could burst with all the love it holds. Well done to you, and well done to Jett. Things will only get better.
    Lucy xoxo

  2. Beautiful Nic. I know what you are feeling--even just watching Ethan grow evokes such emotion in me. Our sweet boys!

  3. naaaw I cried! I live in a mining town where parents have left their kids with parents so they can 'make a future' for their families and I don't understand it.. like you no one else will pick up our princess from school I want to be the first one she shares her day with. I love being a mum not so much on crazy days but I still wouldn't trade my position for the world, in tough moments I just run a bath for them water fixes everything with my girls lol I love that you love being a mum as much as I do living here it's rare and so sad - so spread your love girl!

  4. I agree with Lucy! you have done a wonderfull job with jett! he is amazing, so easy to get along with, friendly and charming!!