Weird or what!
Like ive had no release or connection to the outside world on something we can mutually agree on.. I love connecting with others and hearing 'You read my mind' Or 'exactly what i was thinking!' It makes me feel 'normal'. Like my thoughts aren't some crazy lady taking over my brain.
The past few weeks have been rough in my little house. My kids are fighting more, my husband is yelling more, im crying more. Vomiting my feelings all over my personal page. Screaming for help basically.
Wanting my friends to know im struggling. Im not good at voicing my needs to anyone, so my stupid cryptic messages are my way of asking.
I dont know why my house is like this. I really dont.
I dont lock myself away all day sewing neglecting my kids, im lucky to actually sew one thing while my husband is at work. And when he gets home at 5.30 its dinner bath bed and book time, so i dont sew then either! The kids are in bed at 6pm , 6.30pm and 7 pm Im not far off 7.30pm.
I take my journal to bed to write everything im feeling down , once thats out and im not so mentally stimulated i usually fall asleep with my glasses on.
I was asked on Sunday at The Upper Market how on earth i sew, blog, have time for my page and have 3 kids bathed and fed.. I honestly didnt have an answer.
I kept putting it back on my best friend, saying she helps me.
I usually brain storm through the week, draw pictures in my journal then on a Tuesday i cut patterns and put them all in my expandable folder ready to be sewn on a Friday when im kid free. But honestly, on a Friday all i want it a doona, a cuppa, Ellen and chocolate!
But, if i dont sew, i start going Coo-Coo.. So-i-sew.
There are times when i want to throw it all in. Where i wonder if its really worth the pressure of keeping up with the other pages. Pages begging and screaming for more fans. Pages giving there all there stock away simply to reach that certain number. As much as i love seeing new faces around, simply so i can have fresh views on my raw and controversial blogs, I will give away what i can, when i want. Not a gazzilion things just to 'keep up'
At the moment i have a Bunnie up for grabs. Shes been sitting there for a few weeks now. Waiting for a new home, but she will go when shes ready. I set the bar at 1,500 So i didnt have to part with her to soon *Wink* Nasty.. i know.
Totally off topic.. Its been SO SO long since ive spent time with a good bunch of friends. Tonight id planned to go to the screening of Bridesmaids with a bunch of girls. Dont know what went wrng there.. but were not going.
Ive become so anti social.
I think facebook gives you the feeling of not having to make a 'real' effort because there is always an alternative. There are comments , PMs, likes.. You dont have to actually pick up the phone and talk because there is chat.
I used to have play groups at my house every fortnight. Where we would bring a plate, or drink or sweet bun , lay a blanket down in the back yard and chat for an hour. God i miss those days!!
Meeting randoms in the mothers room at the shop and planning to meet again the next week. Same mothers room, same time. These days shopping trips is running in to coles bear foot praying to higher powers no one seeing your Vegemite covers kids. Never mind the fact you haven't showered... and ...you have no bra on...
Always the second you run in to the high school bully...
I desperately need to get back in to the real world.
I need to learnt to be able to talk to others, with my voice, not my key board.
My markets are a huge soul cleanser for me. Talking to people face to face. I'm nervous as all hell, its exhausting, but i sleep well that night.
So im making a decision on behalf of myself, my brain thats telling me to not bother and my teeth that are chattering because its been so long since ive spent one on one time with anyone else aside from my family and best friend.
I will re launch these 'Mama Days'
Coffee and scoffing our faces.
Im located the northern end of the gold coast - Coomera.
We have some great parks are here and my garage is a rumpus room..
Im welcoming you in to my real life.
Just bring you.. your kid/s if you have them and a pillow.