Thursday, March 11, 2010

The first of many..

Controversial entries..

I'm not one for confrontation, so please don't assume I'm doing this blog entry to start an open argument. Its just something that has been on my mind for a couple of days and now its time to vent..

Open Relationships..

I was on my way to my ultrasound yesterday when i listened in on a radio segment on Open Relationships.

Scenario- The husband and wife have another woman who lives a distance away from them who comes down every so often to be with both husband and wife. They supposedly have 'gound rules' , But as i say supposedly, when he mentioned the 'ground rules' he didn't sound to convincing on his behalf. He said they will only open, read and look at messages from her when he and his wife are together, they will only meet when there is the 3 of them and they don't speak about her unless they are planning to meet with her. He admitted there were times he would spend time 'alone' with her while the his wife wasn't in the room, but not the other way round.

So, i sat in my car 15 minutes before my appointment putting myself in their shoes.

Mr 25 and i have another woman. She comes down to spend time with us, and then leaves. I'm not sure if .. well actually, I'm positive i would lay next to him that night, eyes wide open wondering what hes thinking, how hes feeling, is he thinking about her? It made me feel ill.

I imagined myself preparing dinner, kids playing nicely, Mr 25 returning home from work, followed half an hour later by 'the other woman' and both of them 'spending time together' in OUR room, before i served up dinner.

By this time i had almost puked on my lap.

I sent Mr 25 a text message.. I explained what i had heard on the radio and how it had effected me.. I got no reply. Which by now had sent me in to a spin. Thoughts of this couple racing through my head.. They have been married for 15 years, Do they have children? Have the children met this other woman? Do they talk openly about her? ... Still waiting for Mr 25's reply.

Now, i believe in freedom of choice, i believe you are your own person and can chose your own path in life. But i also believe I'm allowed my own opinions, Especially if someone is going to be open about the issue. Which in this case they were.

I'm always sharing kisses on the cheek, hugs and touches of affection with close friends but the only thing WE have as a couple, that bonds us are passionate kisses and intercourse. That's something I'm NOT willing to share with another person.

As i sit here chatting away to Mr 25, reading him parts of what I'm writing, I'm realising this post my just cause a bit of a stir with some close friends who are in or have been in open relationships. But this could be a good thing! Comment me, as anonymous if you like, and let me in to your world.
Explain it to me, explain how you accept that the one thing your meant to share with your partner and only your partner, you can openly share with someone else.



  1. I couldnt do it personally, im far too jealous!
    but i do have friends who are in an open works for them
    each to their own i suppose.

    Sex can just be an act for me, i swear i have an auto-pilot setting...only in a one night stand setting, not with my husband
    But the thoughts of my partner i want to be about me...
    Its not the act....its the emotions and thoughts that i would have issues with

  2. If there is any unwillingness with either person to be in an 'open' relationship it will corrode the origional relationship beyond repair.
    There can only be hurt and mistrust and hating not knowing what truely is going on. I'm in an open relationship and don't want to be and it's tearing us apart.
    What makes thing so much worse is she lives with us and is totaly and unashamedly in love with him but he couldn't care less about how her feelings dilute his demenour around me. Like I'm just the brood mare and the one he truely wants is her.
    I know I should end it but it never is just that simple.

  3. WOW Anon, Thanks for your comment! Like i said im interested seeing how couples live in this situation. Obviously its not working for you, and i could only imagine how thats tearing you apart.

    When i think of 'Open Relationships' i think of the other woman just being the 3rd wheel pretty much.. When it crosses the line of there being 'Love' thats when i would think the 'couple' would pull the pin on it all. I believe you can love alot of people, but i have a differant love towards Mr 25 then i do with my children and parents. I think you already know this, but you really need to sit back, look at it from another point of veiw and wonder if your the one being classed as the 3rd wheel now? You sound extreamly hurt, and i would be out of there quick fast before it hurts you beyond repair. x N

  4. Miss Anonymous!!!!!

    I would kill the other person! thinking about another women touching or kissin my man would make me very angry.
    When i think of open relationships i think either both arnt very committed to each other or one of them arnt.
    if you truely love someone with all your heart the last thing on your mine would be oh id like to be with someone else or let my man have sex with another women like for real who would be ok with that????.
    is an open relationship for people waiting for someone better to come around and there just there for free sex?
    im all for people that wanna do it if they both want it but for the male to want it and the females doesnt... well you know the answer to that the male is using the female in the relationship with him.

  5. I think I could handle an open relationship, I'm fairly open minded that way, but it would have to all be agreed upon prior to anything happening. As long as there was open communication and I knew were I stood at all times I'd be fine. In saying that, if I were with a man and found out he cheated on me I'd dump him without a 2nd glance. It's all about knowing where you stand. Being in a relationship where you've agreed that it's just the 2 of you (traditional I suppose) and having that person bring someone else in behind your back is unacceptable. If the matter was discussed openly who knows what could be worked out. There's a TV show called Big Love, it's about a polygamist family and I love it. If you wanna watch it Nic I'll burn you a copy. They all live together and help support and raise each other's children. I think that kind of environment could be lovely and positive. Kind of like the old fashioned gypsy communes where everyone worked together